Cavalier 

The word of the day is…

adj.

/ˌkavəˈlir/

having or showing no concern for something that is important or serious

“You can taste the dishonesty, it’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier but even that’s a test.” -Beyoncé 

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Lemons-Water-Sugar

11:01 am this Wednesday morning I finished experiencing Beyoncé’s new visual album “Lemonade.” Since Saturday I’ve been listening to the reviews from various radio personalities and celebrities as well as reading the captions and opinion of my peers. Without ever seeing or hearing the actual album I was able to create some hypothesis about what I was going to experience. I expected to hear about a woman being betrayed and cheated on and I expected to see some mountain moving black girl magic. I was most definitely correct however I experienced so much more from “Lemonade.”

We live in a world where people like their tea served hot, cold, frozen, blended, synthetic, spiked, or spicy it doesn’t matter as long as its served. So most people got caught up in who Beyoncé was talking about, Who is Becky? Was she talking about Jay? Was all of this stuff true? WHO CARES?! All of those questions are irrelevant and its none of our business. In my opinion, what matters is how it made you feel, did anything she said resonate with you , have you experienced similar things, did your imagination paint a picture of the scenes and scenarios she portrayed but with different leading  actors? Did you smell the deceit she spoke of, did you feel the euphoria when “Hot Sauce” smashed in to window of that 1972 Buick Skylark? Do you understand the type of insanity this type of love makes you feel if you say you would be whoever he wanted you to be all he has to do is tell you? How did you feel when you heard the excerpt of a speech by Malcolm X, that acknowledged the plight of Black Woman in America. Were you sad at the realization that you are indeed the most unprotected person in America? How many times did you rewind the video trying to read the “God is God, I am not” that flashed by at 15:15?  These are just some of the many things I wondered and questioned while experiencing “Lemonade.” I felt every beat every word, every lip sync. I wanted more even at 11:37pm I wanted more, just as much as I wanted my sleep I wanted to experience more of this heart-gasm. My adventures in New Orleans flashed through my head, my liver quivered when I heard the accent of the father speaking on his moving experience meeting the president and how it changed his life. The laughter and immediate embarrassment I felt when I noticed myself smiling ear to ear when I heard “Daddy Lesson’s” the first time because I have and still receive some of those same lessons from my Father except his lessons are all accompanied  by explicit language.lol

By the time, “Formation” started to play I rounded out my full plate of emotions feeling proud of her for being transparent and taking a human form for once. It was kinda like the feeling you get after u feel the roller coaster brakes jerk you back because the ride is over, you feel like your glad you did it and excited you didn’t die. Lmao! My biggest beef with this Queen has always been that she never allowed her fans to see her. Like to really see HER, who she is underneath all the costumes, wigs, makeup and waist cinchers . I think its important for a woman/artist/icon of her magnitude to be a human so woman can understand that being like Bey isn’t unattainable. I didn’t feel like she used her powers for good, I didn’t think she was being a feminist or a fighter for the rights of women if she won’t let her fans think she was just like them. I hated the fact that she wouldn’t admit to having help carrying Blue, its so many women that have the same problem and cant afford to hire help. I thought she had an opportunity to queen and she didn’t because she just couldn’t be normal, vulnerable, or broken. However, I can honestly say I am proud of her for exposing the most important part of her which is her SELF. Her maturation into a role model and an activist is my most favorite thing to love about Beyoncé, I didn’t have this before. Life will always serve us some Lemons, I’m happy I was given some recipes so I can put them to use.

-J

beyonce-lemonade

“Lemonade”

Tidal

tidal.com/playlist/cb4d7b94-b0fd-4e77-b3ae-cdc32138bd53

Itunes

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/lemonade/id1107429221

 

 

Light(Life)Sources and Leeches

There are two types of people in the world…Leeches and those who are a Life Source or source of light.

I am a life source or a source of light (Energy) for everyone, everyone in my universe can come to me to get something. They don’t have to do anything but enter my space and they will leave with something. A smile, a laugh, a greeting, advice, five dollars, assistance, love, clothes I cant fit anymore…etc. whatever they need I got it. I don’t know what I’ve done in my life to deserve such a great responsibility but I have learned to accept and appreciate it wholeheartedly. People gravitate towards me like a magnet, its like they can’t control themselves my light is very attractive (and intimidating).  I’ve been like this my whole life, my family, true friends and even people I just meant once have a connection to me that cannot be explained. I give them life! lol I know its vain and hilarious but its true.

It has only been within the past 2 years since I started this awesome journey towards vast consciousness and enlightenment that I have recognized my light as gift. I often perceived it as a burden because I would internalize and absorb whatever the people brought to me in exchange for my light instead of just giving them what I had to offer. I could often times be negative, depressed, tired, and emotionally drained for no reason…my life was the shit! lol I had not reason to feel that way but I did because I allowed an unnecessary transfer of energy to take place. The “Leeches” would come to me in the form of boyfriends, BFFs, acquaintances, classmates, side chicks, and family members. Most leeches know exactly what they wanted or needed from me sex, attention, some gum, a listening ear, a gladiator. Others had no clue but once they got it they moved on to the next source until they need something else from me. I often felt used and taken for granted, I shut people down, I was down right mean, the wicked bitch of the west. I had to learn that a leech is a leech its what they are built to do, suck the life out of you, they need you to survive. Can you imagine truly being dependent on someone else to live outside of infancy? If you think about it like that you can pity leeches or you can feel honored that someone needs you to survive.

  I have inner peace, I thank God I recognize and understand my gift now, I protect my space and energy by deflecting the negativity and reenergizing when I need to. I have started journaling at least twice a month particularly Full Moons and New Moons, meditating, yoga,healing stones and my puppy Baby Face Nelson to name a few. Vacationing from my paid job and my real life work as often as I can and simply cutting people off when I need too. Most importantly, I know everything is not about me, I don’t take everything personal just because I’m involved doesn’t mean its my production. Everything and every being has a job to do, at any given time there are millions of universes beginning, ending, colliding, separating and intertwining…I just want to do my part! I just want to make the universe as beautiful and magnificent as possible. Yall Welcome! lol

#thisblackgirlismagic

-J

lets talk about these guys, THEY AINT SHIT! Thee end…

I have no intentions on making this blog a feminist man bashing, specifically black man bashing, type of situation. However as a woman that dates black men some of my experiences will reflect the not so great side of the realities many of us face…so with that being said LET THE MAN BASHING BEGIN!!! LMAO

Alright, I’ll start off by being honest and transparent about myself… I am a sucker for Love. I Loveeeeee LOVE and most times if I like a guy I’ve planned my whole life with him after the first month of dating. HUGE PROBLEM! How well could I know this guy after a month to plan a life with him. I’ve realized that I would have planned that life with anyone which led me to my next issue, I’m tooooo damn flexible. Oh your a janitor, cool! Great, you drop fries at Coney island…interesting! Cartel, that’s deep, tell me more! Naw bruh none of these careers or occupations are conducive for my life so I shouldn’t put myself in a situation to find out the hard way why. But I do because I’m a helpless romantic and I dream of finding my Cinderellonte’ and living happily ever after. Most of all I am humble, I understand that I am one bad day, decision, or circumstance away from being in a less fortunate or desperate situation myself so I try to be understanding. Now understanding is different from delusional, I’ve been both. lol. The delusions led me to see the potential in guys instead of the reality of who they are today, tomorrow ain’t promised. Three lessons (1) Don’t plan for a life with a stranger (2) Be honest with yourself about what you want and what will work for you (3) Potential don’t pay no bills or raise no kids

You deserve what you want, its time out for everything else, there is no biological clock, nor is it a bad thing to be happy, life isn’t going to be easy but don’t make it harder for yourself. You deserve to live the life u want so try to get there.The universe has already created your obstacles, no need to add to it!

Alright enough about me lets talk about these guys, THEY AINT SHIT! Thee end… No really I’m starting to feel that way. I never wanted to be that girl and I have been patiently waiting for the men that cross my path to be decent, stand up guys. Guys that are polite, successful, hardworking, drama-less, emotionally stable, tall and handsome. Ok, the last two are a stretch but its definitely what I want on the low. Where are they, I’ve only seen them in pictures and movies…sort of like dinosaurs, like did them shits ever really exists? Any day now Michael B. Jordan gon slide in my DMs and confess his love to me and he’s going to be perfect, just like he is in Creed.

I have what I like to call my starting 5… 5 guys I’m dating and or communicating with at any given time. I can efficiently manage 5 guys without messing up names or sending them the wrong texts so I stick to that. I feel like I need to date multiple guys at a time for many reasons mainly because they collectively make one guy lol. I typically have one that likes to talk, one that likes to text, one that likes to eat, one that is also dating multiple ppl and one that gets on my nerve but he’s always available. Its a shame right, I know, but its my reality and the reality of most of my friends…sounds like we ain’t shit either huh?

Moral of the story is… dating is just as interesting and mysterious as Dinosaurs! I manage a Z-League franchise of all-stars! and Micheal B Jordan is BAE…somebody tag him!

-J

P.S I’m totally aware that “ain’t” isn’t a word…don’t come for me! (I recently found out that “aint” is a word LOL .. .http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ain’t )

 

Dont be suprised if she ask where the cash at…

C.R.E.A.M., unfortunately! I would love to live in a tree house in the middle of a fruit and vegetable garden next to the beach, wouldn’t we all? It took me years of celibacy and a dating (distraction) hiatus to realize how much my relationship with money meant to me. I know it sounds bad but IDGAD, its true! My love affair with money probably started when I was in 1st grade… teeth falling out, cash! good grades, cash! birthday, cash! Christmas, cash! help Dad with the chores, cash! checking Mom’s work pant, bihhhh she got 4 quarters, it spends like what??? CASH! I learned very early on you will get paid for doing a great job and going above and beyond so I developed an impeccable work ethic which got me thru secondary, post secondary, and is currently getting me through my first graduate degree. Along the way I found my self being less motivated by money and started appreciating my time, experiences and value of certain things a lot more. Some things I used to pay for I learned to do myself and other things I rather pay someone else to do because I wanted my time to myself. So as my paradigm shifted, I started to realized my love of money was really a love of currency ,transactions, and value and I started applying this concept or ideas to other aspects of my life.

 I think of EVERYTHING in currency or like a financial transaction work, phone calls, friendships etc. for example when my friend had a love triangle going down and needed EXPERT advice (toots my own horn) I asked him which of the two girls would he pay for… he responded by laughing of course. So I asked him again, but differently this time… If you had to put up some money for either one of them which one would it be? He looked up in the air and said shiiiiidddd, IDK! lol Ok dude u need to write down a list of everything you like about these women and everything you don’t and place a numerical value next to each item, negative things are subtracted and obviously positive things are added.  DONT CALL ME ABOUT THIS UNTIL ITS DONE!! A week later he called me with his decision and it was clear, very clear to him which girl he needed to be with and they have since been ring shopping and meeting parents (toots my own horn again)! The point of that story was not that he was tricking on these girls or the fact that he is a reformed man-hoe, the point is he understood currency, value and the risk associated with transactions.

In intimate relationships (official or unofficial) especially my most recent one, he has the build of an EBONY GOD($100), successful($100), no kids ($25), Handsome ($25), Mentally/Emotionally stable ($100), Inconsistent (-$100) not engaging on the phone ($-100). Ok so right now he holds a tag of about $150, would I pay that for him, sure! But the bail money it would cost me when he cheats with one of his IG groupies would supersede the $150 so I don’t choose him to have and to hold….simple right?!    Every person, place, thing, decision, conversation, argument, relationship etc. holds value and we must know what things we will and wont pay for… what is not worth your money/time/sanity. Someone might argue that time and sanity are free…BS! There’s a lot of dead people and plastic surgery addicts that will tell you wasting you time and sanity on things you wouldn’t normally pay for costs a lot, might not cost you immediately but it was cost you in the long run…

 Most of us have a great understanding of money, my family couldn’t help me with long division but they could tell me how much I made per hour when I told them my yearly salary…the nerve! So next time you have to make a decision ask yourself…if this had a price tag would I pay for it? If you don’t then you shouldn’t be wasting your time… I’ve never had a situation come up where this thought process didn’t work…so try it out and let me know!

The most important thing to understand about the value of the currency is you have to decide it yourself, worth is relative like most things in life…its totally up to you how much something is worth and only you know how much you can afford to pay!

AND if it doesn’t work then let me know and I will help you out with my EXPERT advice… lol!

-J

 

Dear Queen of the Universe

IMG_1475.PNGSave me from the jungle! I’m thousands of miles away from my parents, my family and their guns…save me!!! The spiders, poisonous dart frogs, sick as mosquitos, dinosaurs, delicious undrinkable water, wasps, toucans, wild cats, stray dogs, big ass rodents, snakes and whatever else I hear humming in the night. Let them have their home and take me back to the pollution and poison infested lifestyle I’m used to. Who wants to be sung to sleep every night by insects and blog on a hammock watching Toucans play…Not ME! I’d much rather be watching Love and Hip Hop, ATL Housewives reunion, and EMPIRE this week…not the Creator’s amazing sunrises and sunsets. When I’m meditating, I prefer to be disturbed by Yo Gotti not Howling Monkeys. I would like to go back to my job and work 8-10 hours and have to sleep 7 more hours just to wake up and go to work again. Take me back to the routine, back to the entities, establishments and powers that be so they can suck the life out of me..I can’t live without the drama, the stress, the fears, the angers, the gossip!Hunty, I LIIIIVVVVVEEEEE FOR SOME TEA! My cellphone providers constantly shooting free radicals into my path is a normal way of life…every respectable women needs to be maintained by her poisonous beauty products. Yea, take me back now mighty Queen of the Universe

-Signed SAIDnoPERSONever

 

I wrote my very 1st blog post on a hammock at the Samasati Yoga Retreat in Puerto Viejo, Limon in Costa Rica this experience was one that words really couldn’t express because it just simply had to be felt. I was totally stripped of all the things and people I thought I needed to survive and it opened my eyes to the life I wanted to live…so now I dedicate every breath I take to making sure I can live that life every day or as soon as possible…I have a new reason to live! I want to have dope ass experiences with dope ass people every day of my life.

 

I welcome you to my blog where you will first handily experience my arrival…everyday, I am a step closer to my throne…

-J