From the Mouths of Babes Pt.2

The honorary King of my 2nd installment in this series is almost the complete opposite of the first one. I’ve known him for about 3 or 4 years. He has a Master’s degree, former college athlete, fraternity member, business owner, bomb body, no kids (that we know of ūüėā), and a girlfriend… Enjoy!!!
How many sex partners have you had?
Over 140
What’s the most amount of women you’ve dated at one time?
If we talking dating as in f*cking I would said I had a strong 6 chick rotation that all knew about one another but just didn’t care as long as they had there night out of the week to be with me.
How do you manage that many women?
You just be honest with all of them. I mean it doesn’t start off that way you start with the lying and after trial and error you notice it doesn’t get you really far. So any true player that’s real to the game would tell you your game has to be modified every now and then if you aren’t getting the type of corporation out of the chick you are dealing with so I stopped with the lying and started being honest. That’s when I came to realize that these h*es like you more when you are honest. You ain’t got to hide shit and you have a clear conscience with each chick that you are with. Once you let them know up front what the deal is you give them an option to stay and deal with it or keep it moving. Most stayed for different reasons but that’s another topic for another day.
What’s your game?
My game is simple but is has evolved over the years. Honestly, my approach depends on where I meet a chick, the mood that I am in and how she looks.
Let me break it down for you, so first where I meet a chick.
If I meet her at a club or some shit I know there is a slight chance she could be a lil ratchet. So I ask her a few question after I break the ice like do you come here often? Do you know of any other spots like this one? Is this the normal type of crowd? I’m basically trying to see if she enjoys being around ratchet shit. What’s her tolerance level for it. Does she thrive in these types of environments. So if she answers yes to any of these questions I know it’s a good chance she might give up some pu**y if we have the right chemistry. I know I can go out an kick it with her in ratchet places and don’t worry about her being uncomfortable and if I plan to put her on the team or in the stable as my OGs call it and I know a few spots to avoid when I do decide to go out.
OK the mood is how I get most of my chicks,
If I am in a intellectual mood almost any topic she wants to talk about, I’m sure I can add value to the conversation. I pride myself on keeping my game tight and my mouth piece crisp. So I read current events ,watch history documentaries, memorize famous poems, study different types of art, understand government and local politics, study business and marketing, try new foods, and always learn new handy hands-on guy shit like changing tires, changing the oil or having tools. Females fall in love quick with a guy who is well dressed, attractive, can hold a conversation and has aspirations to better his life. To be honest a lot of females will fuck  with you off potential and good looks for at least 2 months.
How do you get them?
If I’m off that henny and feeling aggressive my that’s how I will approach you; very aggressively not disrespectful like grabbing and shit. My approach will be aggressive straight to the point ain’t about to beat around the bush if we both feeling each other tell your friends you leaving with me. You driving, I will leave my car here, I get a room and we do what we do. Notice I said get a room can’t have random b*tches at your house to dangerous out here and for her to drive giving her the option to be in control of her actions.
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to a woman?
Worst thing I ever done to a women in my younger days was lead her on to think we had a future meanwhile I was making other plans to be with another chick. Foul shit because her world revolved around me; At the time it hurt me to tell her that I couldn’t do this no
more. But that’s apart of the game players don’t tell you about the times they
left the ones that would go to the moon and back for them but still leave for
selfish reasons.
Do you regret it?
Naw I don’t regret it. It was all apart of my life learning
experience.
Are you dating now?
Yes, in a serious relationship
Will you ever tell her about your past?
Yes to a certain extent she never really asks so no
need to offer up super detailed info. Only if we are in a situation where one of
my exes could potentially be in the same area will I go into
details so the ex won’t have the upper hand on her us.
So how are you now?
I’m better now. Chasing women is a distraction to making
money. I’m more about my paper and building a future with my lady now. All that
f*cking with a bunch of b*tches is entirely too time consuming and economically
castrating. So I choose to be with one lady and build a future with her, I’m
older now. I’ve had my fun and turned my player card in to the game. I let the young
boys have that and the headaches lol as funny as it may sound I actually enjoy
being able to sleep with my phone on loud at night time and not worrying about a
chick calling and having that awkward ass convo.
Are you monogamous?
Not 100 percent. If the opportunity presents itself and one
night stand type shit I would fuck but not interested in anything else. Ain’t
tryna have these lil mini as relationships across the city and can’t go
different places with us chick cuz this is where side chick hanged out, f*ck
that shit. I appreciate my freedom too much. As far as the one night stands
she would have to be a chick I meet out of town. She would have to be at least 3 counties always from where I live or another state or country; Can’t jeopardize my household. Even though some people won’t agree but it’s my life and I don’t give a f*ck.
How is that going?
It’s going good…im saving a lot of money real shit. It’s crazy
after a few months of being serious with one chick I was able to save an
additional 2 grand per month. That’s fucking insane. You feel like a lame at
first because you telling your friends you taking a rain check and not going out tonight.
Not going to clubs buying expensive drinks or bottles, not buying food after the
club, eating late which is bad for you lol. So in retrospect I was spending

about $75-$150 per night going out 3 nights a week abt ($300) per

week on the low end. If I get a hotel at least 4X a month at an average of $80-
$100 per night that’s ($360) then if you go on a date that’s on average say low
ball $60 bucks not all dates gotta be expensive lol. Then you buying new clothes
and shoes and shit within the months all that shit adds up. Yall do the math but
it’s easily over $1500 a month spent on bullshit. Even though I had my side hustle
to replace the dumb spending looking back on it all that money could of went to
my savings smh or into other investments. I guess I was investing in h*es which
is a bad investment. I think the issues was I put to much value into f*cking
new chicks. The shit you value the most the more money you willing to spend on
it.
Why her?
Ain’t no magical reason..lol I love her and I’m ready to build now. Had my fair
share of women and it’s time to have a family. I thank the man up above for
letting me get out the game clean and clear of babies and STDs so I’m thankful
for the experience.
Reflection
The feminist in me cringed at the sight of my brothers words. He is not my biological brother but a brother indeed, he is my bestfriend and at times my therapist and my diary. So the best friend in me understands,respects and appreciates his life and opinions. As his bestfriend, when I hear these stories I listen, I laugh, and I shake my head in disbelief that my fellow Queens have traded their crowns in for a ciroc-cranberry, some compliments and a lil hair pulling. I also reflect on the times I’ve laid all my burdens down at the uptown Marriott,JK…kinda! No really, I get it, I get that he does what he wants and what’s he’s allowed to and if even for only one day everybody was happy with their decisions. 
As dynamic and awesome as this man is I choose to interview him on this aspect of his life because he is the ONLY man I know that would be honest and transparent about his extra-curricular activities. He is the mold that God made the man of yall dreams from but…he’s a h*e! LMAO! Furthermore he is successful at h*e-in because he is such a great catch which is why women choose to be on the team.  We’ve learned, It is a much better choice to be on a winning but not loyal team then to be on a losing committed team….right? #ALLin

I love my Vagina and so will you! pt.2

Part 1 of this series discussed my love affair with yoni steams and yoni eggs. I shared its benefits and how these routines how personally benefited me. This time around I want to share with you all my experiences with my diva cup. The diva cup is a vaginal cup designed to catch things…things that may happen to come out of the vagina. It’s designed to suction into the vagina¬† prevent leaks but providing wall to wall coverage…literally.I tried the diva cup for the first time last month for the entire duration of my cycle and I loved it. When its inserted properly its undetectable, comfortable, and¬†can be worn for hours at a time without being emptied.

Prior to trying the diva cup I used organic feminine hygiene products from liners to tampons and they were fine but due to the absence of chemicals and God knows what else, I¬†found myself very insecure and unnecessarily making frequent trips to the restroom.¬†About 9 months ago I saw a post on Instagram about a series of tests done on name brand, popular, feminine hygiene products. The study reported 85% of tampons tested positive¬†for traces of¬†glyphosate. Glyphosate is a toxic carcinogenic weed killer…what’s it doing in my tampons? Apparently, cotton farmers are using it to make harvesting the cotton a lot easier. They are spraying it all over the crops to prevent or decrease the amount weeds and mold growing in the fields. There is no way of washing to curing the cotton of the herbicide once its been exposed so we get exposed. Of course ovarian, uterine and vaginal cancers are at an all time high. Added to the list of other reproductive aliments¬†queens are plagued with throughout their lifetime including hysterectomies and fibroids. Think about how many years your lil yoni has to absorb this poison… Ok so most women start their cycles between the ages of 9-13 and don’t go into menopause until their late 50s to 60s.¬† That’s a 30-40 year span and about 2,000 days of constant contact by way of tampons or napkins. Need I say more???

I can’t promise that switching to¬†healthy, more¬†sustainable, and financially frugal options will save your life (or your wife) but as a consumer I believe in this product and its abilities to make a difference in the lives of the queens of today and our daughters of tomorrow.

I urge all Queens and Kings to do your part to save as many yonis as you can…the world¬†depends on it!¬†Literally!!!

-J

 

 

From the mouths of BABES Pt.1

I was going to end this series with marriage however after some thought and careful consideration, I’ve decided this is the best story to start with. I’ve known this king (who shall not be named) for about 9 years. We were members of the same student organization during my first year of college at Grambling State University. He was always a very cool guy, reserved but outgoing, handsome, nice body, didn’t know much about him academically. He currently works in law enforcement (ironically I’m watching OITNB), is a father and is currently married.

I asked several guys to help me out with this project and he was in my opinion the most honest and willing to do so.

Here’s his interview…enjoy!

Why did you choose to get married?
I chose to get married because I was tired of living the life of chasing women. That gets old after awhile. I grew up around love. My parents were married for over 40 yrs, and I having a family of my own was something I knew I always wanted. Never expected it to happen while still in my 20’s, but I’m happy with my decision.
Why her?
Funny thing is, my wife wasn’t even my type. I guess opposites really do attract. I chose her bc she showed me that she really wanted to be a wife, and fulfill everything that came with it. She didn’t just want the ring to show off and brag about. She was willing to be submissive and let me be the man, while trusting and believing that I would make the right decisions for her and for us. Her growth is so amazing. I feel like most women got it confused with the whole submitting thing. Being submissive doesn’t mean that you have to lose who you are and can’t no longer have your own identity as a woman. It just means that you respect your man enough to let him be just the, “a man”. But, a woman should never submit to a man who doesn’t submit to God.
Were you scare?
I was very scared. I second guessed myself several times. Apart of me was over the bachelor lifestyle, and another part was like do i really want to give it all up so young. But, it was one of the greatest decision i could’ve made. Marriage shouldn’t mean you have to just stop living life and having fun. We still hangout and go on vacation with friends without each other, as well as with one another. Trust is the key, and it’s something that
you have to steady earn and keep building on.
Did your friends getting married influence you?
I would say my friends getting married influenced her more than me. But, i guess that’s normal for a woman. I mean it definitely put that thought in my head though, like i just had a feeling like my time was coming up. I never try to complete or compare my relationship with others. I would have to tell her, just because they’re ready doesn’t mean that we are. Marriage is a whole other beast, a beautiful beast, but you most definitely both have to be ready and in the right mind frame for it to work. We did some things wrong and paid for it later, like not doing marriage counseling before. That’s something I would highly recommend to every engaged couple
Where you the first of your boys to get married?
I believe I was like the 4th or 5th person to get married at that time out of my boys.
Do you have any regrets?
No regrets at all. I mean sometimes you wonder what your life would be like if you would have waited, or did you do enough before you got married, but honestly it was the best decision I could’ve ever made.
How do you handle temptations if you have any?
Temptations are going to come. There will always be somebody more attractive, smarter,  funny, etc., and the goes for both sides. And, I would be lying if I said I don’t look. I tell people all the time I’m married, but I’m still a man at the end of the day. You just have to weigh your options, and understand what you would be losing and if it’s worth it. Personally, I don’t care what she has to offer or how fine she is, she’s not my wife. I chose to marry her, and if I knew I wasn’t ready I should just been honest and told her, or just let her go. My family is more important when I comes down to it.
Any advice to women wanting to be married?
I would have to say be patient. There’s a difference between letting a man know what you want and trying to force it on him. Most women like to compare they’re lives to their friends and other women they may know. Just because it was her time doesn’t mean that yours isn’t coming. Also, know your role in each stage of your relationship because it should change as you go from being a gf, fianc√©, and wife.
Any advice for men regarding marriage?
For dudes i would have to say, make sure your 100 percent ready. A lot of marriages don’t last simply because once the honeymoon stage is over and they experience some things that they weren’t prepared for, they don’t know how to handle it so they give up. That’s why it’s so important that as the man you build the foundation in which you want your relationship to stand on.
When I originally asked for help my friend agreed to help me for several reasons but most importantly because he was preparing to start a challenge…21 days of Vulnerability! I was very intrigued about this challenge considering I have major issues with being vulnerable. I have also noticed that most guys I’ve dated have had these issues as well so I thought it was important to include a few questions about it as well.
What motivated you to do this challenge?
To be honest, lately I have been feeling broken. I don’t think I’m fully healed over the passing of my father, and because of my profession and responsibilities i had to get over it so quickly.
When will you start/What do you expect to accomplish?
I will be starting June 1st. And, I expect to see growth in all aspects of my life. Spiritually, mentally, physical. I know I’m a good person and always have been, but I know i can be better.
How do you think becoming more vulnerable and transparent will help you in your life?

When it comes to my marriage, it will open up a path for better communication and trust. I have a very difficult time expressing my feelings and emotions, I never been good at that stuff. But, how can i have this amazing woman in my life and not be able to tell her exactly how I feel? That’s selfish. Why can’t I express my most deepest  inner feelings to the person I say I love, when after all, they are just words. Merely words, that are needed because sometimes actions are just not enough.

Boys are taught, especially black boys at a young age not to show emotion. We have to be tough and hard. But, now as a father what am I showing my daughter. How can I make sure that she feels the necessary amount love that a little girl needs from her father. When my daughter  get to the age where she’s looking for a guy, I want her to have the characteristics of her father as her standards.

As far as my career. I’m not sure. I take my job very serious, and my style of policing is different than a lot of officer I understand that the badge and uniform don’t make me. I wouldn’t say i so much want to be vulnerable on my job bc you can’t in this profession, but being relatable and a officer for the community is what i strive to be. Not just being seen in the hood when I’m there to take people to jail.

 

Reflection

Hopefully, you can now understand why I thought this interview would be the best to kick off this series. As a single woman, I wanted to ask questions that would help other single women like me or even women that aren’t single but not yet married. I also thought men could identify with this and possibly be inspired. There’s strength in being honest and vulnerable and a freedom that many will never know.

-J

Please pardon my lateness…

About a month or so ago I¬†announced I would create a blog series interviewing men about dating, women, sex, marriage etc. I had no idea that it would take me a month to get this masterpiece out of my head. IM SORRRY!!! Between work, classes, and new opportunities I’ve been totally distracted. Sooooo without further¬†ado…I’m back and promise to do a better job multi-tasking and not neglecting my 3rd job!