Lusty and Lonely

My single life has taken me on many journeys, adventures, and rollercoasters. Mostly pleasant and life changing…but the others were more like a mosquito bite in the web of my left foot between the 2nd and 3rd toe. This current feeling isn’t one I’m familiar with… something is different. This week I’m in a very uneasy place, its dark, pungent, and peculiar.

A few weeks ago I decided to end my 3 YEAR celibacy bid. It was great!!! I’m happy I did it, he is great…not to much, just enough! He’s polite, sexy, smart but he’s not mine. Just like the rest of these guys…he’s for EVERYBODY!!! Nevertheless he is a great and I did a great job choosing him to pop my celibacy cherry. Our interactions have been fun but informational, I’m learning a lot about my new found sexiness and womanhood. He makes me feel amazing.

The only problem is he lives an hour away from me and has his own life. He don’t have time to help me find my self in the bedroom. So right now I’m stuck inside my feelings, heart, and soul trying to pick up the pieces to my life and find my happy place again. The place I was in 8 days ago or the place I was in a couple of weeks ago…TAKE ME BACK!!! lol I need her; I need to have control over my emotions and my destiny. I don’t wanna be a slave to my bullet or this fool I can’t have or hold till death do me part! LMAO…So here I am, at happy hour flirting with old white men because I’m feeling lusty. Apparently too damn lusty cause I’m not in any way attracted to old men and this pitcher of Sangria I have to myself isn’t helping.

Although this combination of emotions is foreign to me I have conquered them separately at different times of my life. Being lusty isn’t anything new to me…I’m in a constant state of lust at this stage in my life. The loneliness must be handled with care, I have to address it and feel all of my feelings at this moment so I can get over it. I have to be present in these feelings so I can accept and conquer them. This too shall pass just like every other opportunity presented to me. I will be able to deal with these feelings next time they arise and I won’t be sitting sulking in my sorrows. Ill just keep whispering sweet nothings in my own ear…Get over that shit!!! Its not gonna kill me, I’ll survive…I think!

-J

 

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