About a month ago, Frontier Airlines had a sale. I bought 2 RT tickets, one to Cleveland and one to Atlanta. My goal for the summer was to live a life I can’t live August through May, however that may be. I went to Cleveland and drove to Detroit for a few days came back for 32 hours then flew out to Atlanta. I have a host of friends and family there so my expectation was to disburse my time among them all… I tried. I stayed with one of my friends and had only planned be there for a few days…hangout, kick it, then go see my family in Knoxville for a few days. Things didn’t quite work out like that…
I did everything I was supposed to do and I saw everyone I needed to see (with the exception of two of my friends) however everything in the middle I couldn’t have planned for. I had no idea I would end up leaving with more than I came with. More confusion, more lust, more questions, more thoughts and more desires and more lonely.
I’ve been successfully single because I keep my shit to myself…My body, my space, my heart. Its easy for me and I am good at it, I don’t kiss, no one spends the night, no cuddling, shit don’t even laugh with me too damn much. Well I thought I was good at it I thought I had it under control but recently I was in a situation where intimacy wasn’t avoidable absolutely inevitable. I failed. From the moment I saw him at the airport as we were walking around arrivals looking for each other, he saw me and my one little bag and said you got your bag? NOPE! lol I threw that bag at him and he walked us to his car. I shouldn’t be so easy lmao! I shouldn’t be so easily impressed…that’s what a man is supposed to do, right?
The walls really came tumbling down that night when we were laying down to go to sleep. When was the last time someone lifted the covers up so you can get in them? Or the last time you slept in someones arms? Its been about 8 years for me. I was sooo comfortable there, I felt safe and secure, time stopped. Our breaths were in sync.We were as close as you can be to someone without sex… Intimacy is better than sex, intimacy can change your life. If I rolled away or turned to get comfortable he would let me then get in where he fit in. When he rolled away he would reach for me with his hands or feet just to still be connected in some way and next thing I knew I was back in his arms. I felt like I was in his arms all 5 days of my trip and I didn’t mind it. Every second of the day I couldn’t wait to get back in his arms, I couldn’t wait till it was time again looking forward to more.
It has been such a long time since I felt that way about anyone. I can only remember one other person that I felt like that about and even then it was different; it was me being there for him and allowing him to be close to me because he wanted it, my irritable ass was always hot and wanted my space. This time it was different because I was still hot but I didn’t care lol I needed to be there, I think he did too.
Eventually, he kissed me…I’m pretty sure we were both drunk and when It was over I was starving. I need more …KISS ME AGAIN! Now I see why people like kissing me..big lips are the shit! His lips are bigger than mine, LAWD!!! They were so soft…like I did not prepare to be kissing all on nobody so I’m sure mine felt like sandpaper. He obviously didn’t care. This sandpaper didn’t stop him lol
More memories of the weekend played throughout my mind….How did I let a $50 flight turn my life upside down… I would’ve paid $50 not to feel how I feel now. Back in Houston, alone, in my bed, alone, on my couch, alone, eating dinner,alone! It all happened so fast got me wondering was it even real? Did I make all that shit up? Maybe he holds and kisses every women he likes. Is he gonna call me tomorrow? LMAO I should’ve asked him some uncomfortable questions to save myself from being uncomfortable like I am right now. Some “what are we?” “What now?” “are you still anti-relationship” questions would’ve been great so I could have a leg to stand on. I failed again. I am floating away on Cloud 9 all by myself…just sitting here on my couch looking stupid and feeling stupid too…all because of a $50 flight. UGH!